I have been going through Kelly Minter's, No Other gods lately. I'm on the chapter where she talks about Leah. At first I saw in Leah a lot of myself and us women in general, which I wrote about here. Yet, I could not help but think back to our adoption of Levi. It was so fitting for today. Adopting was always on my heart for as long as I can remember. My parents were the first model to me of this, and God has used several others to show me the power of His love through adoption over the past 43 yrs. When I used to think of adopting, it was for a baby, or a young toddler. It was never an older child. Sean was the first to bring up adopting an older child. As we began to pray about this possibility, God began to stir my heart for this older child as he had already been leading Sean. A child who perhaps felt unloved. Who was not among the "chosen ones." The sweet little babies and toddlers that all the young families seemed to go for. But what about the older kids? The ones who are just as cute and sweet, but have sat there and watched the little ones come and go, and yet they remain? What about the ones who maybe haven't been at the orphanage that long, but have experienced lifetime traumas which brought them here? What about the ones who have dealt with loss of their parents, only to be turned over to an orphanage, and watched as day after day the families come and go.....yet they remain--more loss, more grief piled onto what brought them there to begin with. Orphaned. Alone. Feeling unloved. Not chosen. Leah felt this way. Scripture says that Jacob's love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. As Kelly pointed out, in other words, his love for Leah was less than his love for Rachel. How horrible would that be? To feel unloved and unchosen. Less than.
From what we can figure, Levi had been in an orphanage since he was about 4. His mother died when he was 2. His uncle took responsibility of him (his uncle was only a young teenager at this time). His father had left to go find work, and was scarce for the next couple of years because of that, although did return towards the end of Levi's time in Ethiopia. His uncle helped to run a small shop out on the road selling things and brought home about .50/day. He lived with his uncle, grandparents and a few cousins in a very, very remote area of southern Ethiopia, close to the Kenya border, and his uncle was his primary caregiver and breadwinner. Around the age of 4, they could no longer care for him, so in probably one of the hardest decisions they would ever make, they surrendered him to a local government run orphanage, with hopes of a better life, which actually translates into food and shelter. Levi spent some time there, we don't know how long, before he was brought to the government run orphanage in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia. We are learning that this was a time of some deep fears for Levi. He has recanted several experiences from this to which we have just cried, held, and assured him that he is safe and loved forever now.
So, back to the Leah.... Leah in her desperation to be loved and chosen, decides to bear children, hoping Jacob would finally love her and choose her. Kelly said she was curious to know where Leah arrived after bearing all those children. She wondered if Leah ever settled into the idea that she might not EVER be chosen- at least not by Jacob-and perhaps that was the most liberating conclusion she could ever come to, because she would finally be free of needing to secure his love for survival and would be open to the only love that could feed life into her. That Jacob's love was not the key to her wholeness....only God's could. It's interesting to be able to look generations down the line of Leah's lineage. Christ Himself was born through Leah's child, Judah. While Jacob had chosen Rachel, God had chosen Leah.
This is what we want Levi to know. He was loved dearly by his family, yet he deals with abandonment issues. A child cannot grasp that a love would ever cause their family to give them up. And yes, finally he has a family. He was chosen. And bless his heart- he got us. (I'm so thankful for God's grace and promises! Shew.) But you see, WE are not Levi's solution. Sure, we will model to him unconditional love, security, instruction in the Lord, and all of those things a parent should do. We so fiercely love him because he's our son! Yet, his wholeness can only come through Jesus. That is our prayer for every one of our children, not just Levi. Kelly says, "Human love is God-given and to be celebrated. It's needful for life. Certainly, God would not command us to love one another, or be so forceful on the importance of loving your wife or husband, or children, and being faithful to them at all costs, if human love was optional. But if seeking the love of a person becomes the ultimate thing, if it takes the place of seeking the love of God, if it becomes the first and most prominent pursuit of our lives, everything gets out of order and begins to fall in on itself. God still must sit at the top of the chain." Oh, how I thank God that He chose us, so we could teach Levi that He chose him, too. There is absolutely NOTHING special inside of us outside of God's amazing grace and love that allows us to simply be a vessel. A jar that is filled and then pours out. We fail miserably at this parent stuff, but God in His grace continues to fill us every time. There's no way we could do this without Him!
So, now for some fun updates.... Levi is in school. He's in the 3rd grade, although he is not by any means on that level. He's around kids his own age, but goes to ESL (English as a Second Language) to continue to learn how to read and write. He absolutely LOVES school! When he prays at night, he thanks God for school, for friends, and for fun which is what he attributes to his school experience. We went on vacation this summer where he got to meet my parents for the first time, as well as other family members. We went to Gatlinburg so he could see the big mountains. He spent many days at the beach this summer, which he loved. He has no fear of the water and loves a boogie board! He learned to aggravate his sisters (and vice versa), and so we especially feel a little bit more normal with sibling bickerings going on now. He went to Kids Camp with Sean and I where he learned his first scripture verses by memory. (Romans 12:1-2) He went to Soccer Camp and now plays on a soccer league here in our community. He loves to go to church and has an incredible memory. I pray that God will use that so Levi will always be able to remember God's hand in his life as well as being able to recall truth for the times when he struggles.He is very social and has made lots of friends since being home.
Despite the fun things, let me just say this. It has not been easy. Life has been tough. Some weeks we have wondered what in the world were we thinking...were we too old for this or just weren't prepared?. Am I the only one that thought after I brought my firstborn home that I had made a big mistake because I had NO idea how to do this thing? It was kinda like that, but add 20 yrs. The enemy knew EXACTLY when and how to target our family in every direction. We have been in big time warfare for six months. I'm sad to admit that many times I tried to fight in my own strength, which left me bruised on the floor often. Duh, right? Just like Leah did, I tried to take matters into my own hands and was always left feeling worse. I failed so many times to just trust God and put my hope in Him. BUT.....God always sent sweet reminders to me. Like Leah, He has chosen me and loved me. He sees. He knows-EVERYTHING. He is Sovereign. He is my Equipper. He is my Defender. He is my Daddy. *I* am in the lineage of Christ. He's always leading the way to show me what to do, and He's always got my back if I make a mess of it. He's always got a Word when I am open and still enough to listen. He's always gracious when I need reminded. He's always faithful when I am faithless. He's also been teaching me more about the armor I had let down in my exhaustion and circumstances of life. I cannot tell you that despite the difficulties, the sweetness of His presence has overshadowed it all. Levi has taught us, as children often do, more about trusting God no matter what. Sometimes, the Lord just does that. He has us learn something through experience so that we can share it with more grace when it comes time to teach it. I'm savoring the sweet time that comes after a period of testing, and hoping that my memory will be like Levi's when it comes to remembering all God taught me through it. Our marriage, family, and relationships have become stronger and in that, God is glorified. That's all that matters.
"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan." Ephesians 1:1-11
