Thanksgiving

It takes on a whole new meaning this year for me. As we spent 5 days in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia, meeting our son, experiencing just a little bit of his culture, and then leaving to experience several "rearrangements" to our flight schedule, I've had plenty of time to reflect on this. I keep thinking once I can gather my thoughts to the point that they make sense, I will write about it. Three days later, nothing still makes sense, and I still can't put it all down in a way that I think will fit into a nice neat package. Then, I realized it's not supposed to. It's raw, and it's supposed to be heard that way. I pray that in the midst of this chaos in my mind that God might translate it to my fingers and to your mind, and maybe , just MAYBE you can get catch a glimpse of our time in Addis.

Each day we went out into the city, I kept thinking we will get to a part that looks somewhat newer, more modern, ....surely? This is the capital city of a country, right? There should be some bigger shops, modern facilities, clean drinking water in SOMEone's faucets? That never came. The drives in between our stops kept my gaze fixed on the window of our van. Hundreds of people all over the city. Sleeping. Laying. Sitting. Crippled. Poor. Desperate. Mothers and children begging, some even coming right up to our van. Men walking up to the van and reaching in to try to sell us SOMEthing. As we got out to look at a few shops on the street, children gathered round pulling on my shirt. I would look at their precious faces as they put their fingers to their mouth. No translation was necessary. They were hungry and wanted someone to help them. As soon as I gave them some money, it was as if I had fed a piece of bread to the seagulls here on the eastern shore of Virginia. Except these weren't seagulls. These were people. Humanity. In flocks. And they were starving. The sheer presence of that many people flocked around me brought tears. I can't feed all of them. There's so many! Our guides encouraged us to just go. My heart kept screaming the opposite, but I didn't know what the solution was, other than to give what I had and pray for each one. We saw many crippled people living in the streets, making their way around the dirty, busy streets "walking" on hands, knees, and feet that were deformed to the point I didn't see how in the world it was possible. But it was their lifeline, and so they did it. When your sheer life depends on getting out for a bite to eat or some water, you will do what it takes. I've never had to do that.

Our Levi had been placed in a "transitional home" after we accepted his referral back in the summer. This meant he was removed from the orphanage, and placed in a home with other children who had parents waiting through the paperwork/court process. This home is run by our Christian agency with good care and very kind, loving nannies. Compared to an American home, it might not appear to be much, but it is clean, and the children have wonderful care while there. It's still not a home or a family for them though. No parents are present in their lives, and nothing resembles a home that you and I know. I grew to love and appreciate the nannies who nurture, as well as four young men who worked to interact with the children, transported them and us when we went places, and encouraged the children. They became the closest thing to a father that they have begun to know. It warmed my heart every day to see the children run up to them and have these men surround them with hugs and play with them. Levi will stay at this Transitional Home until we return in 4-6 weeks for his embassy appointment and to bring him home for good.

The most devastating experience of my trip came when we visited the orphanage where Levi once lived from the time he was first sent to an orphanage until about a year ago. I was not prepared in any way to walk in there. No one could. The sights, smells, and sounds that were before us were nothing short of sheer culture shock, and I mean shock in the strongest meaning of the word. Children crowded into small rooms. Smells that reeked of raw sewage. I saw where he once slept in a room with several other children, where you had to be careful of not stepping in the holes in the floor. I followed the cries of what I knew were small babies. My breath was literally taken away for a few seconds at what I saw. At least 8 tiny babies, not in cribs. There were no cribs as we know them. They were laying on divided "bedding". One baby on the far end of the room screamed the loudest. I walked over and saw right away why. His diaperless bottom was covered, and I mean covered with large blisters, and he was laying in his own vomit. I started crying. "What do I do, Lord?" If I were in the U.S., I'd pick him up, run away, and call the authorities. There's no one to call here. This IS where he is being tended to? The only other alternative is on the streets where he will surely die. I kept sobbing. How can this happen? What can we do? Then a voice sweetly nudged me. He said, "Love them, Beth. Love them like Jesus. Just love them." So I leaned my hand over onto this precious baby's face and just started stroking his cheek, trying to calm him. Tears rolling down my face. Not having a single thing in mind that I could possibly do to help this one child, better yet a million more out there just like him. But Jesus could. I prayed, I cried, and then I began to repeat the name, "Jesus.......Jesus ......Jesus ....... Jesus ......" I said it aloud over and over. The little guy stopped to just look me directly in the eyes. His body still heaving from having cried so long. So I said it again...." Jesus .....Jesus....Jesus" His eyes were directly on mine, both of us having tears present. I knew the power of the Name of Jesus, but right there that day, I saw the love that it brought. As my eyes locked with this sweet child through our tears, I knew he felt the love of a Father he'd never known, and so did I. It wasn't long that I was able to stand there and stroke his cheek and share with Him my Jesus, but it seemed that God stopped time for just a little bit. Long enough that I could see that yes, the problems here are huge. They are overwhelming and devastating. I don't know the answer, nor even begin to know how to start. But I experienced something miraculous that day. God's love covering the mess of man. God's love covering the orphan. God's love covering my complete inability and abandon. All I knew was His love, and it appeared it was enough grace for the moment.

My heart is tied to this scene, and I've walked back to it often. Of course, I think mostly of the precious encounter of meeting our son, and the wonderful times we had to look into his eyes and know and see and feel God's love all over all three of us. So many continue to ask us why we went to Ethiopia, and I still can't answer that exactly. God burdened our heart for humanity, and that just doesn't include only America. Humanity is His whole creation. He loves all humanity equally. We are burdened for EVERY homeless, sick, orphaned, and lost. This was just the direction He called us to go. He calls each of us to minister in some way to those like this who are hurting, helpless, and fatherless. Whatever direction you are called, just go. Don't ignore. Don't criticize those who don't go or don't go in the direction you go. Just GO. Do what YOU are called to do, or rather let God do what HE wants to do in and through you. You really have nothing to offer in yourself. I can testify that I had absolutely zero resources, financially, personally, or spiritually. It is He Who began that work, and it will be He Who completes it in and through you and me. EVERY fear inside of me (and there have been MANY- flying, claustrophobia, food issues, foreign lands, terrorism, etc.) disappeared because I have seen the love of my God in ways I'd never experienced. I've seen Him speak and I've felt His presence more than just a "good worship service." More than just a nice little devotion packaged together with perfect words. More than just one act of service. He is so much more than just my tiny self focused American idea. So. Much. More.

"Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. " 1 John 4:18

Since returning, I see things with new eyes. Not in judgment, but just conviction on my own life. Why did anything ever bother or worry me before? Anything? I pull into my driveway filled with two cars and a home that has warmth, furniture, television, computers, clothing, and so many luxuries. I grew up with parents who love me and siblings beside me. We were well cared for, and still have each other today. I have a husband who treasures me like Christ loves the church. I have four healthy children; three who know God, and now one who can. I have access to a church where God's Word is taught and preached true. I have had access to the gospel my entire life! I walk to my faucet and get fresh water that won't hurt my stomach when I drink it. I can have as much as I want. I even waste it. I walked into Walmart upon our return to get some groceries, and felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I nearly vomited. The insane amount of food in front of me, as well as all things "Black Friday" brought tears to my eyes. I really thought I was just going to lose it. I had to just make my mind get what I needed to get and leave. Dwelling on it plus the lack of sleep and little bit of sickness I was feeling would have had me in a heap on the floor. Please don't misunderstand this. I am not on an anti Walmart soapbox nor do I plan to not do any shopping ever again. It was just the excess in front of me after such a need behind me made me so sad....and then nauseous. I couldn't feed those swarms of children that surrounded me that day, but look at what my country has that could. Look at this excess that gets wasted on things that we don't need. My heart can't get away from this. This journey is now becoming not just a journey towards our son, but a journey for our family with a burning desire God is placing for orphans. Where fear once was in the midst of our travels to Ethiopia, now I cannot wait to get back there. For our son. And for others. We must . I MUST. God has planted a desire that can only be described as a burning passion. Now that our eyes have been opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do.

"Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew." Prov. 24:12

There will be no more excuses for me. Nothing matters anymore. I mean think back to the last thing you got upset about. Think back to the last argument. The thing that continues to bug you. The stuff that drives you nuts. The people that irritate you. Seriously? The things that we choose to dwell on, complain about, fuss over......how is that helping us or others? Where's the church in this? Are we caught up in silly petty arguments or rules, or are we uniting as the body so we can be effective? Are we waiting to get it all together because that will never happen? I'm a mess, y'all. In case you don't know it. So are you. Neither one of us cleans up well. We have a forgiving God Who washes well though. There's so many thorns entangling us. Rubbish. Garbage. Ridiculous. Things that don't matter in light of eternity. Things we invest time and energy into that is wasted. It's time to throw that stuff off. What matters is that Jesus saves. He keeps. He sustains. He works. He loves. We are vessels that He wants to do all of this in and through. Oh how our vision becomes clearer once we get this.

“My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him.” - Derek Loux, Co- Founder Orphan Justice Center

It's time to die to the things that don't matter, folks, so that we can live for the things that do. You may not be called to adopt, but you are called to help in some way. Lord, in this Thanksgiving season, it doesn't seem "thank you" is enough, so let my life demonstrate gratitude and not just my words. Thank You for giving me this glimpse, and growing this desire, so that You might be glorified in the lives of Your people. It's ALL about YOU, and I want nothing more than to see others drawn to You, because You are their complete Sufficiency. We who have legs are to take hope to those who are crippled. We who have food are to take to those who are hungry. We who have arms are to love on those who are lonely. We who have Jesus are to go shine light to those who are in darkness. Everyone of us has a journey of hope to someone somewhere. Where is God leading you to go? I can promise you we never had enough money, confidence, or ability to do this. We still don't even have enough for our next trip, but we KNOW He will provide. We've seen Him provide every SINGLE thing necessary, and therefore He gets ALL the credit in the end! But you never will be able to taste His faithfulness if you don't give Him a chance to prove it. Will you trust?


"And then I heard the voice of the Master: 'Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?'
I spoke up, 'I'll go. Send me!'" Isa. 6:8