We've been hit by disappointments and discouragement a lot with every week that we are not submitted to Embassy. We've been promised that our paperwork is going to be submitted the past month, only to have it not, mostly due to human errors. It's very frustrating to feel like our child is just discounted as a number and not a child waiting for his family. It might just be an "overlook" to someone else, but to him, it's another week that his promised family is not there. To a normal child, that would be disappointing. To an orphan who is old enough to comprehend what is going on, it could be devastating.
I've heard all the things that I know to be true. It's all in God's timing. God is in control. Trust God more. It will all work out in the end. Sometimes, I just want to scream. I AM trusting, people! I KNOW this! Do you think we could ever have ventured into this without trusting God? Two years ago I would hardly tolerate a flight from state to state. God has called me completely out of my comfort zone, and the ONLY way I've done it is by trusting Him. Tell me though, is a mother not allowed to long for her children? For the sake of all things maternal, can I please just use those maternal instincts the Lord gave to me? (okay, I feel better already just getting that out. Deep breath.) As a parent, God gives us responsibilities to train our children, to care for them, and to teach them. I don't know too many parents who do absolutely nothing for their child, all in the name of "trusting the Lord will do it in His time." We strap our kids into seatbelts, we feed them, we comfort them, we nurture them, we instruct them, we make decisions on their behalf and for their welfare. We are ACTIVELY parenting our young. Hello! Yes, we trust the Lord. He could do it all by Himself, but He chose to teach us and use us to be parents. In this, He also calls us into a trust that acts. This is where we are seeking prayer and discernment. Our son has been an orphan most of his life. Abandoned. Living in an orphanage. To be told he has parents, meet them, and have them leave is very difficult for a little boy to grasp. To be told they are coming, but every week, not see them is almost more than my heart can take. THEN, to hear that he asks for us, and if we are coming every time he sees one of the workers for our agency. I tear up even as I type that.
Lord, help him!
Lord, help us!
I do believe God can and is comforting Levi, and at the same time, I feel He could also be calling me to go to our son and wait with him. Remember, we aren't talking about an adult. We're talking about a little boy. God prepared me on Wednesday through the chapter I was reading in Exodus to get this news. He also gave me some specific words about "going" that I could not dismiss. It was the first time, I ever felt compelled to go to Ethiopia in this waiting stage, even if it meant me going alone and Sean coming later. Trust me when I say I would not ever naturally feel this.
Not. In. A. Thousand. Years.
So, we've been praying for direction and clarity, asking God to show us, and having our friends and family gather around us to pray, too. We feel like the Lord is saying to wait one more week, and make the decision from there. Lord knows I do NOT want to get on a plane to Ethiopia alone unless it was the Lord's will! (shivers) I don't want to have to leave my sweet hubby and girls behind. (sadness). Add to that the cost of me staying in country for a lengthy amount of time. (hives!) All of these things must be considered. Again, of course the Lord will take care of all the details, but He calls us to think, pray, and consider things. You balance your checkbook, right? You budget your money (you should!), and you make plans for the days, weeks, and months ahead. See what I mean? So, we feel like we need ONE MORE WEEK of praying and seeking and God has given us rest in that.
Okay, now to the BEST part of this rambling post. This morning, as God would have it, I was in chapter 11 of Exodus. What do I read from the start? "The Lord said to Moses, 'I will bring ONE MORE plague on Pharaoh and on Egypt. After that, he will let you go from here, and when he does, he will drive you out COMPLETELY." Yep, that was chapter 11. By the way, it's been 11 weeks since we passed court in Ethiopia. God is alive and well, my friends. Yes, and Amen. We trust Him to lead us, whether that will mean waiting or going. Either way, we are trusting and recognize that God continues to grow our trust as we see Him more and more. He fails us not!
"I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you...No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. " Joshua 1:3, 5
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ReplyDeletepraying with you and for you beth!
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