Show Me Your Glory

I continue on this journey through Exodus. It's been such a great reminder for my tendency towards focusing on me rather than God. His Word is so personal for us. I continue to be floored by the sweet personal presence of God over my life when I sure don't deserve it. What began as OUR adoption journey has transformed into simply GOD'S journey. Don't get me wrong, we followed Him here. He led us in this path. It's just easy to start focusing on the details of the journey instead of the One Who is leading. Along the way, our focus has turned from us and our son, to God and His glory...over and over. Only by this transformation have we been able to start asking God each day, "Show us Your glory, Lord!" This is not just a churchy saying to us either. It's very real. It's why I'm even writing this. This is real enough that I want everyone to not see us. PLEASE don't think or say that we are something special. We're not! Look at our story and see our God and be encouraged to trust Him with your life and anything He wants to do in and through you. That is my prayer.

The past two months have been some of the most difficult part of our journey, with the frustration of bureaucracy and my own impatience. God has met me with a sweet voice each time, telling me when to wait and assuring me of His promises. He has not scolded me, and I am so grateful that unlike me, He never speaks outside of His love. There were times He said, "Wait." There were other times He said, "Speak and act." (As in speak out against injustice.) And now, He has said, "Go." So, here we are, preparing to leave in just TWO more days to follow Him to Ethiopia.

This morning, I opened to read chapter 33. Moses says to the Lord that He (God) has been telling him (Moses) to go, but Moses is still uncertain because he's not sure who would go with him. Moses begs the Lord that he might know His ways and understand fully and enjoy God's favor. I could so relate to this, as even in the midst of what I have been anticipating all this time-leaving to go get our son- I am nervous. No, it's more than that. I'm scared. Wait- even bigger. Petrified. Another trip. Another long flight. Uncertainties galore that I won't even go into here. All the fears of adoption. Will Levi still like us? Will he want to leave all he has ever known? Will he not want to come now? How will we communicate all the details we might need to tell him coming home....or once we are here? Will he do okay on the plane? What about when he's here at home. How will we do this? It's been such a whirlwind of fear the past couple of days and total chaos as we try to get ready. But this morning, God brought peace to my soul in Exodus 33.

The Lord replies, "I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest. Everything will be fine for you..... Then Moses said, 'If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.' The LORD replied to Moses, 'I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.' Moses responded, 'Then show me your glorious presence.' The LORD replied, 'I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, Yahweh, before you. For I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose. But you may not look directly at my face, for no one may see me and live.' The LORD continued, 'Look, stand near me on this rock. As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and let you see me from behind.'"

I couldn't help but think that Moses has come a LONG way, baby. Back in Chapter 3 he is petrified of God. As the Lord speaks to him from a burning bush, Moses is scared to even look at God. Now, he's boldly asking to see God's glory? Moses would have never dreamed of asking God for such a thing before. Neither would I. Yet throughout this journey, it is exactly what God has brought me to. Lord, show ME Your glory! It doesn't mean all fear is gone, but in the midst of fear and uncertainty, I truly want to see God's glory in and through my life that I might know Him more AND that others would see Him more, too. Through this experience, I've come to truly believe that God showing up and showing off Himself is greater than my fears and grows my faith deeper. To look back and see this girl who was and still is petrified of flying, in just one year going out of the country twice, now preparing for a third trip? That could ONLY be the Lord! I wish I could make it so very clear I WOULD NEVER WANT TO DO THIS! I think that's why it astounds me to hear that some people think we are doing this for show. Really? Yeah, that's exactly what I want to do. Get on a plane to a third world country a few times and take on the responsibility of parenting a hurting child and all the huge challenges that are going to come with this. Seriously? You're gonna have to dig up another excuse, people, cause this ain't for something as superficial as that, and it's certainly not for show. At least not ours. Now, my God? You can bet He's all about showing off. My prayer is that GOD continues to show off just how great and big and amazing He is, and I will not be a coward to testify of that! There's freedom there. Why? It's brought me to a spacious place in my walk with the Lord. A place where I know I am free to bare my heart before Him, because I trust Him with it in all my messes. It's brought me to an authentic place, too. It's a place where I can bear my insecurities, fears, and weaknesses with you because I know we are alike. You and me. We are human messes. The same God who has brought me here brings you on your journey, too. Please know that. I am learning more and more about what faith really is. This kind of faith is not blind. It's believing in the One you have "seen" over and over, despite the fact that you can't see Him.

The words below are from a song based on Exodus 33, and written by one who was physically blind. Fannie Crosby said if she could have had her sight restored to her, she wouldn't want it because she would have been so distracted by the things around her that she might have missed God's glory. Oh, how that resounds with my soul.
Lord, continue to keep our eyes on You and show us Your glory!

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord.
A wonderful Savior to me.
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
Where rivers of pleasure I see.

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
He taketh my burden away.
He holdeth me up, and I shall not be moved,
He giveth me strength as my day.

With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
And filled with His fullness Divine,
I sing in my rapture, oh glory to God,
For such a Redeemer is mine!

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land.
He hideth my life in the depths of His love
And covers me there with His hand.
And covers me there with His hand.

(Fannie J. Crosby)